Sunday, October 29, 2006

Acute Angle

When a disagreement between two people becomes a discussion, we call it an Argument. Over a period of time, we have accumulated lot of prejudices. It is these prejudices along with our logical thinking ability urges us to get involved into an argument. Argument is like a fire. If we keep feeding, it grows bigger and bigger. Rather, if you stop feeding, it would extinguish by itself. Why not argue? Why should I avoid it? I'm I not supposed to express my disagreement? How to avoid arguments?

You can never win an argument. Ideally there is nothing in this universe that is wrong or right. Everything is subject to the relativity of individual's perception. And perception is reality. A result of an argument is purely based on the net speaking ability of the individuals involved. When you lose in an argument, you lose. But when you win, still you lose. By winning an argument you lose the goodwill of the opponent. Each individual is unique, so also their ideas and thinking. So, it is not correct to prove something or someone wrong.

According to Buddha, 'Hatred is, indeed, never appeased by hatred in this world. It is appeased only by loving-kindness'. The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it. To substantiate something right, it is not necessary to prove something or somebody is wrong. Everything has got its merits and demerits. Instead of working on the demerits of something, we can work on the merits. So, focus on the positives. Remember, arguments are short-lived than relationships. It is ok to lose an argument and retain the relationship for life time.

Each and everyone is free to express her disagreement. But when trying to arrive at conclusions, it leads to an argument. How to avoid arguments? Whenever there is a disagreement and even if you know for sure that you are right, save your opponent's face. Look out for the areas of agreement and highlight it. Honestly admit that you may also be wrong and tell the opponent 'let us examine'. If this method does not work, postpone the action, and this can do the trick.

If you want, you can avoid argument. Assume you are arguing with a person whom you consider to be more knowledgeable than you. Since the person know more than you, why not save her face. Proving you are right is not going to make you more knowledgeable. Assume you are arguing with a person whom you consider to be less knowledgeable than you. Since the person knows less than you, it is not logical to expect your opponent to appreciate and understand to your point. Proving you are right is not going to do good for you. What about the case, where you are arguing with someone who is as knowledgeable as you? Here again, you can avoid the argument. Since you agree that the person knows as much as you know, there exists 50% possibility of the other person being right. So why not save her face and stop arguing. It is only the time, which can concludes who is right and who is wrong. Still, for many cases, you might not know, whether it is right or wrong? These are called the indicibles. Hence it is prudent to leave a disagreement as a mere opinion without indulging in an argument.

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